Sunday of my Life

Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear.
And I can’t help but ask myself how much I’ll let the fear
take the wheel and steer.
It’s driven me before,
And it seems to have a vague,
Haunting mass appeal.
But lately I’m beginning to find I
Should be the one behind the wheel.

Whatever tomorrow brings I’ll be there
With open arms and open eyes. yeah.
Whatever tomorrow brings I’ll be there,
I’ll be there.

So if I decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive
Will I choose water over wine
And hold my own and drive? oh oh oooh.
It’s driven me before
And it seems to be the way
That everyone else gets around.
But lately I’m beginning to find that
When I drive myself my light is found.

Whatever tomorrow brings I’ll be there
With open arms and open eyes. Yeah.
Whatever tomorrow brings I’ll be there,
I’ll be there…

Would you choose water over wine….
Hold the wheel and drive?

Whatever tomorrow brings I’ll be there
With open arms and open eyes.
Whatever tomorrow brings I’ll be there
I’ll be there

Silence swimming in a pool of dreams
Beneath its depths forgotten streams
Above, the city of the evening star
Behind its walls, the grand bazaar
As she walks through its endless maze
Cursing those who mistrust her ways
Please my friend no matter what she sees
Tell my lover come back to me

Doorways spilling out their sombre light
Casting shadows that will raid the night
Along the alley of her ruling fears
Walk the vision that will cause her tears
Lying still as she wills her glance
Though the eyes of a charmer’s trance
Please my friend no matter what she sees
Tell my lover come back to me

And on the walls
Shadows play
Twilight souls
Anguished ways
Lost adrift
Severed seas
I await you
Come to me

Silence swimming in a pool of dreams
Beneath its depths forgotten streams
Above, the city of the evening star
Behind its walls, the grand bazaar
As she walks through its endless maze
Cursing those who mistrust her ways
Please my friend no matter what she sees
Tell my lover come back to me

To me

I know your name, I heard you call.
A distant voice behind the wall.
“But something stands in our way,”
She said, she said.

I know a place where we can go,
Where on one cares and no one knows
If it’s passion or play.

You speak in tongues,
You read my mind.
I’d give it all
To see a sign.
But you’re taking forever.

Time stands still and you stand
One step closer away.
Will it take us forever?

And so I climbed the wall, I needed proof
Of certain signs, and certain truths.
“With every step you take,”
She said, she said.

“You need to search, between the seams.
You need to twist within the dream.
You’re one step closer away.”

You speak in tongues,
You read my mind.
I’d give it all
To see a sign.
But you’re taking forever.

Time stands still and you stand
One step closer away.
Will it take us forever?

Time stands still and you stand
One step closer away.
Will it take us forever?

You’ve always been,
You’ve always known.
That all this time,
I’ve been alone.
I’ve always searched
For what I’ve lost.
Beneath a rose,
Behind a cross.
You’re always there,
You’re everywhere.

Will it take us forever?

You speak in tongues,
You read my mind.
I’d give it all
To see a sign.
But you’re taking forever.

Time stands still and you stand
One step closer away.
Will it take us forever?

Time stands still and you stand
One step closer away.
Will it take us forever?

I actually really like this one. The social commentary on the evils of gang-membership and warfare are quite nice.

You gotta keep ‘em separated

They’re like the latest fashion
They’re like a spreading disease
The kids are strappin’ on the way to the classroom
Getting weapons with the greatest of ease
The gangs stake out their own campus locale
And if they catch ya slippin’ then it’s all over pal
If one guy’s colours and the other’s don’t mix
They’re gonna bash it up, bash it up, bash it up, bash it up

Hey! Man you talkin’ back to me? Take him out
You gotta keep ‘em separated
Hey! Man you disrespectin’ me? Take him out
You gotta keep ‘em separated
Hey! Don’t pay no mind
You’re under eighteen you won’t be doin’ any time
Hey! Come out and play!

By the time you hear the siren
It’s already too late
One goes to the morgue and the other jail
One got wasted and the other’s a waste
It goes down the same like the thousand before
No one’s gettin’ smarter no one’s learnin’ the score
Your never-ending spree of death and violence and hate
Is gonna tie your own rope, tie your own rope, tie your own

Hey! Man you disrespectin’ me? Take him out
You gotta keep ‘em separated
Hey! Man you talkin’ back to me? Take him out
You gotta keep ‘em separated
Hey! Don’t pay no mind
You’re under eighteen you won’t be doin’ any time
Hey! Come out and play!

It goes down the same like the thousand before
No one’s gettin’ smarter no one’s learnin’ the score
Your never-ending spree of death and violence and hate
Is gonna tie your own rope, tie your own rope, tie your own

Hey! Man you talkin’ back to me? Take him out
You gotta keep ‘em separated
Hey! Man you disrespectin’ me? Take him out
You gotta keep ‘em separated
Hey! Don’t pay no mind
You’re under eighteen you won’t be doin’ any time
Hey! Come out and play!

All around me are familiar faces,
worn out places, worn out faces.
Bright and early for the daily races,
Going nowhere, going nowhere.
Their tears are filling up their glasses,
No expression, no expression.
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow,
No tomorrow, no tomorrow.

And I find it kind of funny,
I find it kind of sad.
The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had.
I find it hard to tell you,
I find it hard to take.
When people run in circles its a very very
Mad World
Mad World

Children waiting for the day they feel good,
Happy birthday, happy birthday.
And they feel the way that every child should,
Sit and listen, sit and listen.
Went to school and I was very nervous,
No one knew me, no one knew me.
Hello teacher tell me whats my lesson?
Look right through me, look right through me.

And I find it kind of funny,
I find it kind of sad.
The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had.
I find it hard to tell you,
I find it hard to take.
When people run in circles its a very very
Mad World
Mad World

As I read and study and jobhunt, lately (as I always do, frankly) I’m letting my music play. I’ve decided to share some of my favourite songs (some I’ve decided not to share). Here’s the first in the series of what amount to filler posts:

Well tell me d’you think it’d be alright
If I could just crash here tonight.
You can see I’m in no shape for driving,
And, anyway, I’ve got no place to go.

And you know it might not be that bad,
You were the best I never had.
If I hadn’t blown the whole thing years ago
I might not be alone.

Tomorrow we can drive aorund this down,
And let the cops chase us around.
The past is gone something might be found to take its place.
Hey jealousy
Hey jealousy
Hey jealousy
Hey jealousy

And you can trust me not to think
And not to sleep around.
And, if you don’t expect too much from me,
You might not be let down.

‘Cause all I really want is to be with you,
Feeling like I matter too.
If I hadn’t blown the whole thing years ago
I might be here with you.

Tomorrow we can drive around this town,
And let the cops chase us around.
The past is gone but something might be found to take its place.
Hey Jealousy

Tomorrow we can drive around this town,
And let the cops chase us around.
The past is gone but something might be found to take its place.
Hey Jealousy
Hey Jealousy
Hey Jealousy
Hey Jealousy

Well tell me d’you think it’d be alright
If I could just crash here tonight.
You can see I’m in no shape for driving,
And anyway I’ve got no place to go

And you know it might not be that bad,
You were the best I’d ever had.
If I hadn’t blown the whole thing years ago
I may not be alone.

Tomorrow we can drive around this town,
And let the cops chase us around.
The past is gone but something might be found to take its place.
Hey Jealousy
Hey Jealousy

You know she took my heart.
Well there’s only one thing I couldn’t start.

I don’t really have much to say on the issue of Sony’s Digital Right’s Management hoopla that hasn’t already been said, so I will simply link to two articles:

http://www.sysinternals.com/blog/2005/10/sony-rootkits-and-digital-rights.html

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2005/11/01/sony_rootkit_drm/

And done…

I miss my music whilst I’m working. Last night upon plugging in my headphones at home and settling down to get some work done I discovered my music to be garbled and incomprehensible, with many a-missing frequency and other such things. Completely forgetting everything I’ve learnt about checking on the simplest problems first — since they will inevitably turn out to be the correct answer — I assumed a fault with my sound card. This seemed a safe assumption as various parts of my computer have been falling apart as of late. Uninstalled the hardware and drivers I proceeded to reinstall them, noticing finally that the most vital of the low-level hardware driver components, the Multimedia Audio Control, appeared to be Missing, Presumed Uninstalled. I haven’t found the driver set I need for it yet, although the hunt continues.

Now, as I said, this seemed to be the safe assumption as to the problem, but you know what they say about assumptions. So, as it turns out, I have uninstalled my sound hardware for no reason at all; my headphones are the actual problem. It appears the DSP¹ in the controller unit has gone haywire and is eating up portions of every audio signal that passes through it.

I always learn better with music. Don’t really know why, I just do. It makes me comfortable, I suppose, and when we feel comfortable in our working environment we work better. Quid Pro Quo². I miss my music. I’ve been taking my headphones and a CD packed with music to classes with me whilst I’ve been studying, to try and make myself more comfortable (and to block out the noises of everyone else and, admittedly (with a slight shame at the fact I feel I need to do it), to block out everyone else’s requests for help. To signify that I’m closing myself off from the world and concentrating solely on what I’m doing. I do so love to help people, but I can’t really afford the time it takes to help others out until after I’m done with my exams.

But I do so hate to say no to others. It’s a failing. I’m trying, really I am.

1. Digital Signal Processor, for those not up on their TLAs

2. Quid Quo Pro? Quid Pro Quo? I can never remember which it really is.

Addendum: We have successful restoration of sound and thus music. All is right with the world.

OK, so this post is a little on a friend, a little bit on music and alot of a rant. At least, I think it will be. It’s very late right now, but I want to get these thoughts down out of my head before I close these world-weary eyes and try to forget my life in sleep’s sweet oblivion.

Had Filmmaker Extraordinaire’s 21st Party tonight. Me there for moral support, Agent FareEvader providing music. Good music, in my opinion. The Agent knows what he’s about, knows what appeals to different crowds and how to mix it up very well. Best spinner I’ve heard in sometime. ‘Twas not to be for this crowd though. Agent pulled every trick out of his bag, but no one was buying. Such a diverse crowd, with such diverse tastes in music. It’s a daunting prospect to any seasoned vinyl-spinner to face a crowd such as this. Normally at least something can be accomplished, but not so this time.

Yes, I’m well aware that you can’t make an audience enjoy themselves. But really, this gig was hellish. At any given moment of the night we were told these things, usually in this order:

“The music is too loud.”

“The music is too quiet.”

“We want you to play [Insert Random Song Not on Advertised Playlist Here]”

“This music isn’t the right sort, we want something we can dance to.”

Aha! That is what we had been trying to get to all night long. Very well, what kind of music would you like to dance to?

“Heavy Metal.”

Errrrr…. riiiiiight. Well, we don’t have any heavy metal in the mix tonight (don’t have it in the mix ever. Full stop. Underline. Circle in red ink. Go over with a fluro-yellow high-lighter. Underline several more time. Reproduce on… well… you get the picture). We do however have this large selection of other styles, is there something there that interests you?

“Sure, play ‘Enter Sandman’ by Metallica”

*sigh*

We’ll see what we can do.

Over and over and over. Again and again and again. Meanwhile one increasingly drunken guest continually comes up and tells us to turn it up with an upward-spiraling motion of his hand (one of the basics of becoming a DJ is, of course, learning to read drunken sign-langauge, didn’t you know?). Meanwhile the party’s organisers are telling us to turn it down. Then we’re told to turn it up again, and are assured that this has been confirmed with the party’s organisers. Then the party’s organisers want to know why we turned it back up after they asked us to turn it down.

About this time I began to have one of those oh-so-lovely manic moments my anti-depressants give me.

So, retreating to the bathroom after a while of uncontrollable hand motions and face-rubbing, as well as some fierce biting of my knuckles (I think I told you all about this already. It’s a nervous habit I have whenever something has me frustrated in some way. It does serve to calm me somewhat. The pain brings me back a little closer to focus). Well, after managing to bite deep enough into one of them to break the skin and draw some blood I thought maybe I’d better go away from everyone before I made a scene. Spent a while running my hands under cold water to relieve their ache. Brought out some truly spectacular bruises. Lucky me. It was a great spisode, I can tell you. Eyes darting all over the place, hands doing what they pleased, never ceasing thier movements. Body trembling with energy, and my mind totally incapable of rational thought. Almost like having a panic-attack, without the panic.

I just had an attack
Really though, the party itself wasn’t too bad. I did enjoy myself, to a certain degree, probably as much as I can in a large group of people I don’t know. Got to see GalaxyStar again, that was cool, I missed her like crazy. Must visit the Ponds of the Moonee more often. Endured Filmmaker’s friends making snide remarks behind my back, didn’t even thump any of them once, much as I wanted to. Realised that this post is increasingly sounding like one of those flat, emotionless list-of-thought posts, and really doesn’t care.

The Agent is one of my oldest friends, and I really do think he does wonderful work on his deck, it’s just a shame we didn’t have a more responsive audience tonight. I don’t think I can accurately portray exactly how frustrating that is in this simple medium of text on a screen, and it is 4:45 AM, so I think I’ll break this off there for now. Might write more on it later. We’ll see.

My hands hurt. Well, that’s my own fucking fault. Suck it up and live with it.

My WinAmp playlist has three albums by The Whitlams back-to-back. I’ve bene listening to them like this for weeks on end, and I have yet to get sick of them. In fact I actually find myself skipping other songs in my playlist in order to get back to The Whitlams sooner. This is most unusual for me for a couple-three reasons. Firstly, my eclectic music tastes usually has me jumping stlyes all over the place and not really sticking with one thing for very long. Secondly, I don’t get sick of music easily in the first palce, or at least I didn’t used ot get sick of music easily; I knew what I liked and I stuck with it. Not so lately, but that’s only one of quite a number of changes in me over the past few months. Thirdly, when I was younger I was notorious for hating The Whitlams with a passion. *shrug* People change with time, although I do take my fair share of ribbing for my passion for thier music now. I must admit it is something of a contrast.

I’ve got many a favourite song among the three albums (Eternal Nightcap, Love This City and Torch The Moon): Buy Now, Pay Later (Charlie No. 2), Up Against The Wall, Make The World Safe, You Gotta Love This City, Pretty As You, Torch The Moon, Gone Surfing and Royal In The Afternoon to name just a few. But my absolute favourite is Blow Up The Pokies whose lyrics I now present here with two purposes in mind, namely: a) I’m hoping that you may try and get your hands on some Whitlams songs if you’ve never heard them before (I highly recommend you do so); and b) It fills up space. Mainly A though.

Blow Up The Pokies — The Whitlams

There was the stage
Two red lights and a dodgy P.A
But you trod the planks way back then
And it’s strange that you’re here again
Here again.

And I wish I, wish I knew the right words
To make you feel better
Walk out of this place
And defeat them in your secret battle
Show them you can be your own man again

Don’t, don’t explain
Lots of little victories take on the pain
it takes so long to earn
You can double-up or you can burn
You can burn

And I wish I, wish I knew the right words
To make you feel better
Walk out of this place
And defeat them in your secret battle
Show them you can be your own man again

And I wish I, wish I knew the right words
To blow up the pokies
And drag them away
‘Cause they’re taking the food off your table
So they can say that the trains run time

Flashing Lights, it’s a real show
And your wife, I wouldn’t go home
Little bundles need care
And you can’t be a father there
Father there

And I wish I, wish I knew the right words
To make you feel better
Walk out of this place
And defeat them in your secret battle
Show them you can be your own man again
Show them you can be your own man again

And I wish I, wish I knew the right words
To blow up the pokies
And drag them away
‘Cause they’re taking the food off your table
So they can say that the trains run time

Another there was made the trains run on time.