The Weary Days…
Those days when everything seems too hard. Getting out of bed, getting dressed, going to work/school, doing tasks, taking tests, blinking, breathing; it all seems like more effort than you can take.
Weary Days.
Those days when everything seems to weigh heavily on you, and that little demon who sits on your shoulder and lashes you with you insecurities and failings is louder than ever. You don’t have the will or the energy to block him out. And you feel that, in some obscure way, it’s becuase you don’t really want to. As if…
As if you want to listen to him. And why? you ask. Why would you want ot listen to a voice that belittles you, tell you how insignificant and dissapointing you are? That I don’t know. There my intellect fails me.
Weary Days.
I’m having one.
Things lately… they’re hard to take. I just want to curl up in a corner and cry, but I don’t. I don’t. I soldier on. I keep going, keep fighting, keep on struggling to get done what has to be done. And admitting to it, admitting to the fight, that makes the demon pipe up again. He tells me that I’m only saying all of this becuase I want the sympathy. I don’t even know anymore. I feel like I don’t know anything (test scores of late notwithstanding). I don’t know how much longer I can keep fighting on like this before I give up and curl up and hide from the world again. I don’t want to go back to doing that, but it feels like the only sanctuary I have left, even though hiding never makes any of it any better. It doesn’t make it go away. It just delays things. But even a delay would be good right now. It would be nice to not have to think about anything in the world at all for the next couple of weeks whilst I take care of my exams and such. It would definately be nice
But it’s not going to happen.
Weary Days.
What do you make of them? How do you survive them? How do you make yourself get up and do those things you have to do?
Powered by FireStats
May 23rd, 2005 at 10:37 pm
Don’t hide, it only makes things worse when you finally come out. You just have to try and take everyday as it comes, as hard as it is, and take pleasure in the little things, like the sun, and the flowers, or whatever takes your fancy. My little demon pops up all the time, but hey, at least it’s someone to talk to. You’re going to do great on your exams! I know it! cya xx
May 24th, 2005 at 5:09 am
Find a reason to get started. Any reason—it doesn’t matter. Once you’ve overcome the intertia, it gets easier. Not easy mind you, but easier.
May 25th, 2005 at 12:10 am
The mantra I use is “this too shall pass.” You’ve shut the little demon up before, and you will again. Admitting that it’s a fight? That’s very difficult, and very courageous. And even if you’re dragging, give yourself permission to take time for whatever gives you joy, be it a walk or an hour lying on your back watching the clouds or whatever. No matter what the demon says, you deserve it. And no matter what the voice of despair says, it will help.