Sunday of my Life

In my previous post I said that we were going to dinner tonight at my Aunt’s house, with my Dad’s side of the family. It turns out the other night when my grandmother was taken to hospital these plans were changed since the dinner was cancelled. Instead we went to dinner at the christmas party my grandparents on my Mother’s side were throwing. The entire Pickersgill clan was in attendance, as they always are. I had a rip-roaring time. These people I like. These people I’m comfortable with. These people are more truly my family than the brash, arrogant loud-mouths on my Dad’s side (how someone who can be as quiet as my Father can came from that family I’ll never know). SAlmost everyone on my Mother’s side prepares their speciality dish for this annual event. The food is copious, varied and all absolutely wonderful. Everyone, whether directly or indirectly, at some point learns how to cook from my Grandmother, Mary. Her patience, skill and instinct shows through in each of us that learn from her, and that truly shines as we all cook the Christmas Feast.

We drive out through Pakenham, through Korrumburra, right up into the mountains, to the property my grandparents, Bert and Mary, live on up in Mount Eccles. We enter the hill country, and that smell drifts in through the window; the smell of mown and threshed hay, of cold, clear air, of the forests and mountains, of the cattle and the sheep, the woodsmoke of the homstead fires. That smell is plugged directly into my brain, and it triggers something inside. I take a deep breath, and a thought floats through my brain: I’m home…

I really couldn’t tell you about everything I did tonight… there’s simply too much for it. I rough-housed with my uncle Andrew, the one closest to my age at only 28. I ran through the long grass with my younger cousins. I taught yo-yo tricks to a couple of them, and how to get the best sleep times out of their yo-yos. I talked, boy did I ever talk, about anything and everything with everyone. My uncle Andrew, who is also a Network Administrator, told me how proud he was of me with how much I’d learned this past year. In the midst of all of this, I floated on a sea, awash with sensation. I felt loved, and wanted, and appreciated… like I haven’t in a long time now. All my cares, all my worries; they all simply melted away, and I was truly home among these wonderful people of my family.

I’m not sure if I really can put it into words properly. It’s one of those things you have to feel to appreciate it. It was a wonderful feeling to me though, and presented a ray of hope in my existance that I hadn’t realised I had before now. These people know me; they know my faults, they know my weaknesses and they know me at my worst. Yet still they love me, despite all. They see good in me and they cherish that. It bring a tear to my eye, just the thought of it. Thinking on it I realise that I’ve short-changed someone else in this position too… someone who has been there for me through all of my bad times in the past year. Someone who has, at times, had to beat my complete lack of worthlessness into my stubborn head, who has put up with alot and never complained about it, who has always been willing to listen to me, and to offer good, right and practical advice. At this Yule period, I would like to offer my thanks and my love to you, Dorothea Salo, my friend, my confidante, my webhost, my anchor. Without you I would have gone mad long ago, without you I probably would have never recognsied my depression for what it is, an illness that has a cure, and done something about it. You helped me pick up the pieces of my life and kick myself out of my rut. You deserve far, far more in the way of thanks than I could ever give you, so I’ll leave it at that.

That’s all from me for tonight folks. Y’all have a merry Christmas, or Hanukkah, Kwanza, Yule, Ramadan or whatever the hell else you decide to celebrate at this time of year. Appreciate what you’ve got, becuase it’s all worth having.

This entry was posted on Sunday, December 26th, 2004 at 1:23 am and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.