Sunday of my Life

Anger

It’s a useless emotion, really. It doesn’t gain us anything, but costs us a lot. We feel it at any number of moments, for any number of reasons, and in the end the results are the same. We are left empty by it, abandoned by the burning fires of its passion. We feel it, it becomes us, a part of who we are, and then it passes. Occasionally it doesn’t, however, and we are changed, but the change is never for the good. In the end anger changes us all, if we let it rage unchecked, and we become something none of us would like to admit is inside of us. The raging beast, ready to do anything to sate the lust of anger.

Why, you may ask (and quite rightly so), am I prattling on at you like this tonight? Becuase not all that long ago a friend of mine pointed my own anger out to me, and had pointed out to me any number of times in the past how useless such anger is. Only tonight did I actually realise how right she is. Those who know me know I have three sisters. The one just above me, Erin, I am closest to. She, and my mother, are what I compare people I meet to, becuase to me they are the epitome of all that is right. The eldest of them is Monica, simultaneously one of the most mature and carefree people I know. I don’t see as much of Monica these days as I’d like to, she lives interstate now and it’s been nearly 12 months since I last saw her.

In between these two is Peta. Peta has the capacity to be both mature and childish, as the mood takes her. She’s both generous and selfish. All things considered she’s a good person, good to her friends. But she seems to lack one thing: a sense of familial ownership. She’s very good with knowing what’s hers, and with people outside the family very good with knowing what’s not hers. When it comes to family members although, to her everything is owned in common… sort of. She knows two things, it seems. Mine and Yours, and to her everything owned by a family member is Mine. This tends to get up my nose, so it does. Tonight she took over my computer becuase she wanted to go music surfing and try and find a swag-or-so of Christmas Carols. Normally I wouldn’t mind, that’s why she has an account on my computer. But she didn’t ask me, she just logged me off, closing down what I was working on (my resumé… I count that to be fairly important) and failing to save it, then logging herself in and refusing to let me back on here for 4 hours. That got me angry, and as I sat there and brooded something prodded me in the back of the brain.

Damn… it said to me You’re being silly, boy! It’s a computer, and it will still be there once she goes home again. Build a bridge why don’t you!

And it was right. It pains me to admit it, even to myself, but I was being silly about it. So I let her do what she was doing, and complete it and go home, and I was polite and brotherly to her. I don’t know if anyone else will look at it this way, but to me I feel like I’ve managed to take another step forward, and perhaps now things look a little brighter to me.

This entry was posted on Saturday, December 4th, 2004 at 11:48 pm and is filed under General, Rant 'n' Rave. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.